peter parker
by likeglitterandgold
Summary: this is a series of unrelated drabbles, all less than 1000 words, that center around Peter Parker and his thoughts. Requests are open, updates are sporadic and so are chapter lengths. (minor spoilers for endgame and alien) Some of these are thoughts, and others are oneshots. currently contains: spiderman, vigilantism, the accords, and father figures
1. on spiderman- 851

Peter started going out as Spider-Man at first as a way to cope with his uncle's death. He felt he had some sort of debt to pay to society, as a penance for not saving his uncle. Slowly, once he got a better hold on his newfound abilities, it started feeling less of a responsibility and more of a routine.

Wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, head to school, _stay_ at school, decathlon, head home, stop in an alley, Spider-Man about, _get_ home, eat dinner, then head out again. He began staying out longer and longer, which started to have even more adverse effects on his schoolwork. Missed assignments, sleeping in class, it began piling up higher and higher until it became too much for even him to handle.

It was then that Peter sat back and realized that he had been looking at it all wrong. Mr. Stark had also had a hand in that, as actually meeting his hero had provided a different outlook on what he had originally thought. Peter had always thought of himself as Spider-Man, but at the same time kept the title at a distance.

Spider-Man had always belonged to New York, but Peter―Peter belonged to nobody but himself. In the suit, Peter felt strong, meaningful, powerful. As himself, he did not. There was a certain sense of anonymity that came with having a secret identity, and it was that fact that made it harder for Peter to see his purpose in life.

Spider-Man's purpose was obvious, it was to protect New York and look out for the little guy. However, Peter's―like all people's―was less defined. It was for this reason that Peter looked up to Mr. Stark so much, as he had managed not only two identities, but also found purpose in both lives he lead.

Peter strove to be like that someday, needed and appreciated for all of himself. Whenever he would encounter the billionaire, there was always one burning question on the tip of his tongue of _how_. _How_ had he managed to secure all this while balancing two separate lives.

When Peter had finally mustered the courage to ask such a question, Mr. Stark had only smiled and stated that he had not, in fact, done such a thing. Peter was left quite speechless, his brain working at a million miles an hour to try and figure out just what he had meant by that.

The next time they encountered each other, Peter voiced his confusion, to which the man had said to him that the most important thing to remember was that he did not lead a separate life from his alter ego―they were not two separate people, but rather the same person.

Tony Stark and Iron Man did not live two different lives, nor did they coexist. They were one and the same, just as Spider-Man belonged to New York and through that, Peter Parker. Spider-Man would not exist without Peter Parker, nor Peter without Spider-Man because even though Peter was not _required _to go out every night, he did.

Spider-Man was not a job from which one could step down from, rather it was a man in a mask with a title. It always was and always would be Peter Parker behind that mask, Peter Parker who chose to go out each night. There was no aspect of Spider-Man that differed from Peter Parker, just as there was no aspect of Iron Man that differed from Tony Stark―barring, of course, the near-indestructible metal suit.

Peter had always felt some responsibility to New York as Spider-Man, like he owed them to go out each night and help. However, after this realization that however unknowingly, New York needed _him_, _Peter_, to make that happen, Peter understood that whatever happened to himself happened to Spider-Man, and in order to be the best Spider-Man he could be, Peter needed to be the best Peter he could.

The change was not drastic, it did not happen overnight but took several weeks to be put completely into effect. Of course, finally having Aunt May in on the secret did help.

She spared no effort in working with Mr. Stark to better Peter's life, and after many one-sided shouting matches directed at both Peter and Mr. Stark in which the two of them cowered under her unyielding fury, they finally came to agreements that bettered his life.

Whereas before Peter had made conscious efforts to keep his Peter-man personalities separate, he finally allowed them to bleed into one another―not going as far as to reveal his identity, of course―letting a bit of Peter's nerdiness slip through to Spider-Man's daily quips and allowing Spider-Man's quick wit and snarky banter to mix with Peter's mumbled dialogue and frequent ramblings.

There was an aura of acceptance surrounding Peter that any kooky old Professor Trelawney would note as being almost identical to that of Spider-Man, but as that was a load of hogwash―something Peter would never say to any of those people he encountered as one Sybil-esque lady once bought him a churro―his identity was, for the moment, safe.


	2. on vigilantism- 279

Technically speaking, Spiderman was a vigilante. And according to the Daily Bugle, that made him dangerous. They would spare no expense (all right, maybe they would spare some) in order to make him look as bad as possible in the worst situations (how the _hell_ had they gotten that picture of him accidentally tripping over a rooftop and flailing his arms in a desperate attempt to slow his fall, conveniently taken right before he shot a web out to catch himself?).

Better yet, they would put the most absurd and unbelievable captions (Suicidal Spiderman? Do New Yorkers _really_ want a dangerous, unstable criminal running around their city?) above said photos, which the public would (obviously) eat right up.

Peter didn't _want_ to be a criminal, but if he became an Avenger that would mean the end to his secret identity and chance at a normal life, so… vigilante it was!

Of course, there were perks to the job. Free churros, little kid's birthday invites, and the overwhelming sense of pride to have his hard work recognized were among his top picks. Peter loved to please the people, whether it be through saving them or just taking a picture. If being a vigilante was the price to pay for the happiness of others, well, he'd gladly pay it.

Peter didn't like breaking the law, and he didn't see it that way (although, most criminals probably didn't either). However, he did whatever he could to fulfill what he felt he had to do in order to help the people of New York, and if that was a bit too real for the Daily Bugle, then they could just go screw themselves.


	3. on father figures- 980

Historically speaking, being Peter's father had never worked out for anyone. His biological dad died in a plane crash, then he was taken in by his uncle Ben. He lived with Ben and May for several glorious years, the two of them taking on the roles of parental figures he couldn't remember.

And then, his uncle died. One minute he was there, the next he wasn't. He was just… gone. Peter took a few days off school to cope (but that would never _really_ be enough), but through everything there was one thing that stuck with him, the one thing he could never shake. It was the quickness of it all, the way that no matter how long they were dying, there was one moment where they were still alive and then the next where they weren't.

And it wasn't just in Uncle Ben.

It was in all those people Spider-Man hadn't saved, it was every person who was and then just wasn't.

Except for Mr. Stark.

Mr. Stark walked into his life one bright afternoon, all flashy cars and designer black eye, pretending to like Aunt May's walnut date loaf and flipping his life upside down. Whisking him off to Germany, Peter embarked on an adventure that his eleven year-old self would both be horrified and amazed by.

There had been a period after Germany which Peter was not overly fond of, one he liked to refer to as the Radio Silence period (however original that name might be) in which Mr. Stark had barely any contact with Peter at all. This time stretched from a little after Homecoming, when Peter had unknowingly rejected the billionaire's offer to join the Avengers, to a mere two months after that. It changed one afternoon, when Happy suddenly pulled up outside Midtown in a not-so-subtle black car and drove him upstate to the Compound.

Peter, having absolutely no idea what was going on, was dragged unceremoniously down the legendary building's winding corridors while his brain spun at fifty million miles a minute trying to figure out _why_ in hell he was there. Some part of his brain wondered if there could be a mission, and he belatedly realized that he had been verbally expressing his thoughts in one long rambling monologue.

They stopped suddenly in front of a set of doors, one look from Happy shutting Peter up instantly. The two of them stood there for a while, Peter fidgeting with the straps of his backpack, and was about to say something when the clicking of heels sounded through the hallway.

Ms. Potts stopped in front of them, glancing quickly down at Peter before turning to Happy and whispering something quietly.

His enhanced ears picked up the sound, and he deduced that Mr. Stark had in fact been in his lab for the past three days (!) and had not come out. Turning back towards Peter, Pepper elaborated that they had tried all they could to get him out, and eventually resorted to bringing him upstate to see if he could make a difference.

The woman reassured him that it was not unusual for this to happen, but FRIDAY had also reported that he had not eaten either.

To his surprise, Peter's biometrics had been coded into the door, allowing him to stumble into the workshop.

His ears were immediately assaulted by AC/DC's Back in Black blaring through every speaker at near-top volume, and he instinctively curled in on himself.

After noticing his dilemma, the music cut out to Mr. Stark's frantic cry for Friday, and the genius abandoned what he had been working on to check on Peter.

After reassuring the man that he was, in fact, not dying, Peter explained that he had been brought immediately after school and hence been unable to eat―dropping subtle hints about his Spiderman metabolism as he did so.

Mr. Stark immediately caught on, and after ushering him past a very smug-looking Pepper and indifferent Happy, retrieved enough food to feed a small army. They spent the rest of the day bonding over movies, food, and engineering, before it was decided that Peter would stay the night at the compound in a room that had already been made up for him.

It was only after a few months of this Friday routine that Peter realized he had begun recognizing the billionaire in the same sort of light he had done with Uncle Ben―the sort of you-are-my-father-but-not feeling that had ended in Ben's untimely death.

And though he had been drilled to never come to conclusions based on two pieces of data, Peter couldn't help but fear for the man's future as his not-father-figure.

This time around, it was _Peter_ who decided to stay away, avoiding their Compound nights until the brightest, flashiest car that Mr. Stark owned pulled up right outside Midtown, conveniently timed right when the afternoon rush of kids was streaming out of the school. The students gaped at the billionaire, as Peter tried to avoid his gaze, to no avail. Several hushed words and shocked kids later, Peter was strapped into the passenger seat as they zoomed back upstate to the Compound.

Once upstate, Peter finally voiced his concerns over a large tub of ice cream and the Last Jedi, to which Mr. Stark had simply stated, blinding grin and all, that he had nothing to worry about. Peter was still unsure, until the man whisked him off to the lab to work on a multitude of crazily-named failsafe for the Iron Man suits, as well as those for his glasses if Mr. Stark were ever caught outside his iconic armor and was unable to call it to his aid.

Peter had been left quite satisfied after that, and remained so until the two of them discovered that no failsafe could withstand the power of six infinity stones, no matter how strong.


	4. on the accords- 343

Truth be told, Peter didn't know much about the Accords. He knew that they were a way of holding heroes accountable for their actions, and gave countries a sense of security so that they knew _why_ the heroes were there and _what_ they were doing. As someone who spent their nights making sure the same happened to all of Queens, Peter didn't understand why that would be a bad thing.

Of course, _he_ couldn't sign them even if he wanted to, for several reasons. First of all, as most people know, something signed by a minor is not legally binding. Therefore, if Peter's definitely-underage self even _wanted _to sign the Accords, it would be completely useless. Second of all, secret identity? Hello? He did have an aunt to protect, after all. And lastly and perhaps most importantly, signing the Accords would ruin any chance he had at having a normal life.

It tied into reason two, in that if he did sign the Accords that would mean everybody knew his name, and he would also be at the UN's beck and call―something that would make it quite difficult to work through college. After all, constantly being interrupted while trying to study for a final would not be Peter's dream come true in any scenario, Spider-Man or not.

Of course, there would always be those who wanted to misuse the Accords for bad reasons, and according to Mr. Stark, General Ross was one of them.

It didn't really make sense, to have one of the champions of the Accords wanting to use them dishonestly, but Peter guessed it was like in Alien, when Ash turned out to secretly be an android all along, and was actually the surprise antagonist when everyone thought he was just another character.

General Ross was like him in that everyone thought that he wanted the same thing as the others, when in reality he was nothing like they thought and had a different plan entirely, which in the movie led to a lot of chaos.

Peter always hated Ash.


End file.
